4 Steps For Positive Change: Saying, Seeing, Feeling, Believing

This morning I sat down to a meeting in downtown LA with one of my most interesting clients. As a spiritual psychologist, she helps people recognize and reconcile the emotional underpinnings that keep them from achieving their full potential. With my recent “completion” of my 21-day health challenge, the SXSWAngels campaign, and with my personal and work life looking up, I definitely had some fodder for conversation. Whenever we meet she always manages to coach me for a bit but today we focused more so on the differences between saying, seeing, feeling, and believing.

What is the difference between saying, seeing, feeling, and believing something?


Let’s take a concept I’m sure we’re all familiar with: LOVE. (You can change this out for pretty much anything you are trying to achieve — better grades, working more efficiently, exercising more, etc.)

Saying it– We are capable of the physical act of saying it — “I love you” — but what happens when we don’t see it, feel it, or believe it? They are beautiful words that have absolutely no meaning behind them. At this point it is worse to say it than not. Just because you say it, it doesn’t make it true since you are not actually convinced of it. Some people believe that you can “fake it ’til you make it.” That doesn’t work. What does work is saying, seeing, feeling, and believing it.

Seeing it – This is harder for some people. Sometimes perspectives get in the way. How can they see themselves in love if they are unhappy with themselves? How do you love someone else if you don’t love yourself? By “seeing” yourself at that personal mile marker, you might be able to actualize it. But, seeing yourself in love and just saying “I love you” doesn’t make it love, does it?

Feeling it – This step is usually the hardest for people to overcome. Being able to see themselves in love and being able to say it is no match for being able to feel it within themselves and feel it for other people. This is usually the most crucial and defining step for positive change: being able to physically feel what the change will do for you. How does it make you feel?

Believing it – Once you say it, see it, and feel it…you might actually start to believe it. And, when you believe it, it becomes true — not in some cheesy esoteric way but when something is true to YOU, it becomes engrained into your version of reality…so, it becomes true. In this case, when you believe in the power of love to bring people together, push people apart, wage wars, solve problems, and show compassion, you embrace it and it becomes a part of your reality.

What will you say, see, feel, and believe today?

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