Diary

The Future is Female: In Memory of Phyllis and Ruby

I had spent the previous evening in Seattle at the bedside of a woman who had worked tirelessly to provide for her family. As the monitors showed her vital signs declining, her children gathered close by. The moment the monitor signaled her departure, I could feel my husband gasp and hold his breath for what felt like an eternity.

I came home from class on Monday to the news that another woman I knew had passed away. She had been battling the same demons I had. As with all friends I lose, I immediately think if there was anything I could’ve done to prevent what had happened. The grief ripples through our mutual groups of friends.

In our final communications, between myself and Phyllis and myself and Ruby, we’ve all shared a bit of ourselves. Phyllis and I spoke about our last moments – not quite sure how we came to that topic, but nonetheless we did. I had said that if I were to pass away that day, that I would have been satisfied with how I lived my life. Later that evening I was put in a life/death situation (if you read my blog or know me, I was almost hit by a car that evening in Seattle). She reached out to me the next day. With Ruby, we emailed back and forth a bit. I penned an article for her blog on PTSD and depression, but I feel that I wrote it more for her than anyone else. We exchanged more emails and messages on occasion before I heard the news from my friend on Monday evening.

I posit that the future is female, not only because of the political climate but in the fact that women have had to fight an unfair fight their entire lives: having to put on brave faces; working 150% harder than anyone else to be shown the same consideration; dealing with unfair scrutiny and bias. Phyllis and Ruby in particular embodied genuine strength in their silent determination and perseverance.

Returning from Seattle on Monday evening, I sat in a WeWork conference room in LoHi as I watched my design students present their final projects. It was nine weeks in the making. Out of the 11 students, 10 of them were female. 90% of them were spending their evenings and weekends advancing their careers. These women too were persevering throughout all odds…working against a system that was’t built for them, breaking into a male-dominated field, and so forth.

I could only hope that I had done my duty and channeled my inner Phyllis/Ruby to help them along their journey.

Phyllis Hulslander
Ruby Pipes

 

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About Amara Poolswasdi Hulslander