7 weeks (and some change) until the big day.
These last four weeks or so I’ve been resetting my expectations for a lot of parts of my life. Things haven’t been easy. I oscillate between my highs and lows pretty frequently. I’m really just trying to take things day by day. I’ve lost a big part of my life. Adjustments are needed in my attitude, perspective, lifestyle.
Hence, “respect the distance.”
The distance is what separates us from where we are and where we want to be. Whether that’s 140.6 or a serious relationship, distance matters. Physical distance. Logistical distance. Emotional distance. The farther you’re removed from thinking, breathing, living your goals, the farther you are from where you want to be. That is the reason I’ve relentlessly pursued everything I’ve ever been passionate about or fell in love with. I pursued it until either 1) I grew tired of it, 2) it grew tired of me, or 3) I realized that it wasn’t for me. The hardest part about the past few weeks — months, even — is that my situation grew worse over time. The more I felt that I was being sandboxed, the more I felt alone even in the midst of everything swirling around me.
A life lived in regret is not one worth living. I think people, ideas, and goals come in and out of your life for a reason. Perhaps the timing was a bit off this time. This year was just a series of unfortunate events. This decade even. “At first you feel like dying. And then you feel reborn.” That sounds about right.
Respect the distance. Respect the miles I have left to go. Respect the miles in between where I thought I once wanted to be and where I am now. Respect the distance and don’t push for more unless you can actually get what you want, when you want it. Respect the distance and take your time. My goals will still be there, burning inside. They aren’t going anywhere. What’s the point of rushing? I’d rather let things happen. I’d rather stack the odds in my favor.
Strength is the product of struggle. I’ve had plenty of struggles in the past. One could argue that the struggles of my childhood at early twenties far outweigh any struggles I’m facing now. Alas I’m still planning on taking things day by day.
The day I got back from my trip, I headed out for a lap around the lake. This morning I rode my bike trainer. Tomorrow I’m jumping back into Lake Union. It feels strange, odd, ethereal to be slowly reintroduced back into my past life with a new, future me. Feels spiritually jarring. I have faith that things will work themselves out. Looking forward to reconnecting with nature this weekend and going off the grid. Hiking + shooting + writing + cooking. I’m looking forward to the roaring campfire. I’m looking forward to midnight shoots. I’m looking forward to afternoon naps. It’ll be cleansing. It’ll be exactly what I want and what I need.
Training will resume. A much lighter training regimen, but it will resume. Things will fall back into place when I let them.